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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

~the human in me~

It was 4 o clock in the morning when I woke up. A tiring day passed and yet another one is waiting.

Looking through my window, was observing the changing color of the skies.


Slowly it turned blue, while glancing through my clock, it was 7.

Cuckoo birds will start to sing after this for sure, and a sudden loneliness attacked.

I wonder, how can one feel so alone of a sudden?

Its the trust.
When this word is disappearing, loneliness will start to take over.

Why dictionaries does not include both as a word, trusliness maybe? or Lonelitrust?

If the word was meant to be combined, there won't not be missing of any of it yet won't be any suffering from one.

Trust comes after loneliness, what I refer here was the lost of trust.

When you feel that faces around turning on you, the backs facing you, you might in the line of reaching loneliness.

That's me. Advises flooding my ears and sent signals to my little brain, telling me there ain't human that can be trusted.

Don't believe? Ask yourself, how you ever deceive yourself? Saying there's nothing wrong when there is?

Self-deception?

Yes another word might come in, optimistic. Complicating as it.

I do not wish to relate it either in this post.

Back to trust, yes, a little self disclosure here and there, the word that began with T had been disappearing as times goes.

After and after, hurtful experiences, those alphabets forming the word had been gone.

Saddening as it is, this is reality. Because human indeed, the greatest creation ever, yet it was made so neutral and human, that are so smart, making it complicated.

Because I was born as, I need to survive with it.

Because I was given chance to feel, the different tastes in life, I need to go through it and learn.

I had been so truthful so certain human I met, yes, I do not trust you, so I won't be meeting you.

This is true. I learnt to protect myself, and I am learning to protect my love ones too.

So if one day, you found I'm restricting myself to you, worry not, its me that are learning.

You did nothing wrong, it is just me.


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